Sena Phoren Policy Doctrine P2

[Update: Had this post lying around for some time. Releasing it for posterity. Now, this is my last and final post. Aai-shapath.]

China

China is the very important country in the world. The fellows living there are called the Chinkies. It is land of old history and path breaking invention such as the Chicken Manchurian, Chicken Chilly and the Chicken Triple Shezwan. They are also (according to the Sam Uncle) the big enemy of the Hindusthan. They are being responsible for the shameful and total disaster experiences for Hindusthanis such as defeat in 1962 war, from which Hindusthani Army took long time to recover, and more importantly: “Chandni Chowk to China”, from which I am still recovering.

Example of the Cruelty of Chinkie Fellows

Very little is known to us outside fellows about the inside affairs that the Chinkies are doing. One main reason: there are the 2 billion Chinkies, and all of them are looking ekdam ditto same-to-same. How to know who is doing what, and to whom?

Another reason is the Great FireWall of the China, which is blocking the large part of Internate from reaching the potential Chinkie allies. This is causing big problem for the Internate Hindus who want to say “Can I hv Ur Fraandship?” to the Chinkie females on the Orkut, Facebook and the Twitter. For many patriotic Hindusthani males such as the myself, this is #epicfail.

Typical Chinkie Fellow: The Fraand? Or the Enemy???

Because of this lack of the fraand-to-fraand cultural exchange, Hindusthanis are still confused. They are thinking: Are Chinkie fellows our noble fraands or the implacable enemies?

Now grandson Aditya, who is always logging into the Orkut to write the literature from his toilate, is telling me his youthful solution for such complex moral dilemma: When in doubt, assume fraand. But as my slightly older friend Gopinath Munde is telling, fraandship also requires the care and the vigilance. Son Uddhav, like always, is suggesting the middle path. To tell truth, I am always having my doubts about that Uddhav fellow. But this time, I am also agreeing.

So, in conclusion, even if we are using their router and their laptop, doesn’t mean we should allow Chinkies themselves to also sit on our lap top (unless Chinkie fellow is looking like aforementioned picture). And even though Sam Uncle is telling us otherwise, we must be doing the more proactive fraandships with all the Chinkie fellows across the Great FireWall.

Because fraandship knows no boundaries, even the ones which are disputed and 2200 miles long. Or was that 1200 miles long? Like, Whatever.

Jai Maharashtra!

Fakebalthakre, RIP

Hi.

I am suspending tweeting/blogging from this account indefinitely. Mostly out of boredom, and inability to find anything funny to say and time to say it in.

Its been an enjoyable ride, and I want to thank everyone who responded to and followed the fakebalthakre persona on twitter. Much learning was had from these interactions.

Just a couple of words on why I did this:

Everyone of us has a little Bal Thackeray xenophobe sitting inside us somewhere . It makes it hard to condemn the bullies who claim to stand for our rights and render violence and intimidation in our name for any cause — legitimate or otherwise. It’s understandable that the Sena footsoldier is gullible enough to be drawn into this web, but people like you and me have no such excuse. We should know better. In the words of my great guru Sri Sri Swami Aseemanand-ji: “Labh Bhill Keeph Os Olaaibh”, and “An eye for an eye only leaves too many disgusting, rotten eyeballs lying around all over the place”.

So, goodbye, and tumchya aaichi jai.

@fakebalthakre’s Open Letter to the @ShashiTharoor

Tharoor dear,

It is the time that you and I had the heart to heart talk. As one fellow having the good hair to another. Because you know, Hindusthani fellows love the heroes having the good hair. Which, also as you know, is the 99.9% reason for the both of our political success.

Splitting Hairs: Left: Reasonable but Bad Hair (Not so successful), Right: Idiot but Great Hair (Successful)

So, as your senior in the hair club of the Indian politics, it is my duty to provide you the some valuable life lesson. Your hair makes your success inevitable, but you will have to learn following rules by heart to expedite the inevitable success. These rules are telling the ratio of personal ethics to the rewards in Hindusthani public life:

1. Threaten to cut off hands of the mussalmans = Election as MP to Lok Sabha
2. Actually cut off hands of the mussalmans = Election as Chief Minister of major Hindusthani state
3. Claim aftershock of earthquake caused by falling tree caused accidental death of 3000 Sikhs = Election as Prime Minister of all Hindusthan
4. Reduce daily news to the nonsensical sensationalist trivia = Get Padma award
5. Become largest holder of ‘Benaami’ property in all Hindusthan and abroad = Become BCCI & ICC President
6. All rounder scumbag = Become IPL chairman
7. Facilitate creation of consortium to bid for an IPL team in your constituency, and have a close associate acquire substantial sweat equity in said consortium = Your ass will be taken down, mister.

As you will see, despite your considerable hair advantage, you have managed to compromise the lead. For one, there are too many high-sounding faad-faad English words in your ethical assessment. Sometimes, the less is more. Other thing: you are wasting too much time talking to useless middle class twitter fellows. They already have the too much information for their own good, and don’t need your contribution. And none of them vote.

In conclusion, I would say not the failure, but the low aim is your crime. There is still chance for you. Listen well, and make sure hair is kept well groomed. Success is inevitable.

Jai Maharashtra!

Why I am doing hands-up in my DP and other FAQs.

Question 1

My Twitter DP

People asking about my Twitter DP (Display Picture), and why it is like that? I am answering in tweets some time back. Here reproducing for your ready reference. This is during shameful period during first-day-first-show of the Sharuk’s MNIK picture on Feb 14, when the #mnik was trending topic on the twitter, along with valentine day:

2010-02-12
fakebalthakre: Hindusthani fellows are feeling the rightfully angry & the shamed for this trend of the #mnik.

fakebalthakre: It is the serious matter. V. Imp for the hindusthani real culture to be the highlighted, instead of this pakisthani #mnik

fakebalthakre: So it is I am recomending the new trend for the #MyFavKamSutraPosIs. Killing the 2 birds in the bush : #mnik & the #v-day

fakebalthakre: #MyFavKamSutraPosIs the one you are seeing in the profile photo of mine.

Question 2

People also asking again and again, to Who’s father Mumbai is belonging? To those idiot fellows, I am answering here:

2010-02-11
fakebalthakre: Still people are not understanding about the Mumbai and the geography. I am thinking having to provide few lessons to all this fellows.

fakebalthakre: Indians of 4 type 1.Marathi Manoos,2.Bhaiyya to north,3.Lungiwala to south,4.Lungiwala Bhaiyya to east. Mumbai is only for Marathi Manoos OK?

Question 3

People also asking, What do I *really* think about Marathi Manoos. This also I am letting out in tweets. This is when i am coming very close to the 100 tweets also:

2010-02-11
fakebalthakre: It is looking like I am nearing the century. I am wondring, Is the sachin single-double way correct, or hit a six like the sehwag?

fakebalthakre: But I am thinking, these bhaiyya people like the sehwag are having the real guts haan…even the pakisthanis like that one miandad felllow

fakebalthakre: Marathi people really not having any spirit only, apart from 1 or 2…no only 1

fakebalthakre: That is why we are having the fellows like that Ashok Khan — totally spiritless fellow. Only fit to carry the Italian shoes.

fakebalthakre: But that is only the political fellows. What about the actor and writer fellows. Like the Nana? He is for show off only

fakebalthakre: There was that one PuLa fellow. He is showing the spirit only after getting the award.

fakebalthakre: That is like hitting the century after talking to the Ravi Shastri after match is over, na?

Almost forgot, acknowledgement to the Gaurav Sabnis for blog post on that idiot PuLa fellow.

Jai Maharashtra!

My HT Cafe Interview

The @nikhiltaneja86 of the Hindusthan Times Cafe, Mumbai, is interviewing me on 2nd March.

Download PDF here: HT Cafe Interview – March 2nd 2010

Sena Poll: Who do we beat up next?

We are using this internate technology to get the feedback from the Sena supporter fellows. Please to let us know the next national icon, or other target we should be beating up. Thank you for your supports. Jai Maharashtra!

Sena Phoren Policy Doctrine P1

It is only the 2 week since I am coming on the twitter. There, I am meeting the very smart and the intelligent fellows. I am learning from them the previously unbelievable things that are now shown to be the true:

1. Earth is round with the 70% covered in the water. (And still that Ashok Khan fellow is asking us to save the water)
2. Apart from Germany (home of Hitler the great), Pakisthan and the LungiwalaBhaiyyaDesh, there are the dozens and the dozens of other important countries (eg the Gabon, Suriname, BurkinaFaso and the Lichtenstein)
3. Hindusthan is now slowly-slowly, becoming the world power, and is having to make “phoren policy doctrine”.

First, I am thinking that doctrine is the female doctor. That is what I am calling fellow who is cleaning the my bedpan at every morning. But grandson Aditya is explaining real meaning. (BTW, Aditya fellow is speaking ekdam faad-faad English, haan. He is learning from the sister, mother and father fellows at the Xavier). After learning from smart and the intelligent fellows on twitter, I am thinking time is right for the Sena to be speling out its phoren policy doctrine. So I am picking the some important countries in ABCD order, and telling Sena policy recommendation for the Hindusthan:

1. Afghanisthan

This is the land of the Pathan fellows. The Pathan are the tall and strong, bearded fellows. After being born they are slowly-slowly reaching the 19 years, after which they are completely stopping to age right until time of death. Their staple diet is animal called “Great White Kookaburra” which they are chewing in the especially desperate times.

Average Pathan Having the White Kookaburra dinner

India is having the great history of friendship with Pathan fellows. The Great Indian heroes such as the Shakunimama, the fellow in Kabuliwala, and also allegedly, that Sharuk fellow have been the Pathans.

Still India is meddling in the Afghanisthan by building the road, electricity line and the government building. The Afghan fellows using this things are already complaining about the potholes, load-shedding and the paan-spit design scheme on government building staircase.

Other thing Pathan fellows are liking is the AK-47 and the rocket launcher. So, when they are not liking the potholes and the paan-spit, they are doing the protest by the suicide bombs and the AK firing. Clearly, for this very important reason, Hindusthan has to be keeping its big nose out of all the Afghan’s affairs.

Average Pathan with the AK47

Sena views on the HPL (formerly known as the IPL)

The people are beginning to ask me : Why is Sena against IPL????

There are the many issues.

Most well known issue is that the racist aussie monkey players like the Symonds are not to be allowed to set the dirty paws on the Mumbai shores. But there are the many other less well known reasons also. It is important for the non-Marathi Manus fellows to understand the Sena view point. Mainly because if some fellow is beating you on head with stick, then minimum decency is requiring you to know why the fellow is beating you with stick.

Sample of Non-Marathi Manoos Playing in the HPL.

So, without the further hullabaloo, here is the Sena reason for IPL opposition:

1. First thing, this IPL’s correct name is the HPL (Hindusthani Premier League). First change the name, and then we will talk about the other issues. Until that time, the Sena and the fakebalthakre will refer to it as the HPL only.
2. Not a single Marathi Manus is owning the team in the HPL. This must change. Together with the other Sena fellows I am preparing plan to address this problem, which I am outlining below.
3. Most important and critical, HPL, like Valentine day, is spreading the too much free love, sex and the drugs and alcohol culture among the young Hindusthanis. This is causing the too many young Marathi fellows to be happy and full of love towards the bhaiyyas, lungiwalas, and even the mussalmans also. This is making it difficult to hire the new Marathi fellows for beating non-Marathi fellows with the stick. So all this nonsense things must be banned from the Maharashtra state ASAP.
4. Yes, and almost forgot, that Australia racist issue also.

Now here is how I am addressing the issue no.2 of the HPL team ownership. I am already outlining the solution in the twitter:

• Shiv Sena is purchasing the new HPL team for the HPL 4, to be based in the Dadar
• No bhaiyya or lungiwala is playing in this Sena team, only the Marathi Manus is playing.
• The mussalman fellows are only allowed as the fastballer, bodguard or the doctor.
• Ajit Agarkar is being made the captain of Sena team. He is the living legend of all the Marathi cricketers. But poor fellow is having to play for that Sharuk’s Pakisthani rider team.
• The Manohar (Manyaa) Joshi, is having the cricket experience and is being made the CEO.
• The Sharadrao Pawar Saheb is serving as the special mentor. (This is reminding me of the golden old times)
• Saheb is also taking the stake and making the investment.

With the blessing of the Ekvira Devi, we are creating this team and showing the real power of the Marathi Manus to all the other outsider fellows. Only thing remaining is the name for the team, for which I am inviting the suggestions.

Jai Maharashtra!

Saamna review of the MNIK picture

First, we must be understanding the background. Like all the Karan Johar picture, the MNIK picture is futuristic sci-fi movie. It is set in not too distant future, when all the native Indians Hindusthanis like the Marathi Manus are getting wiped out and replaced by the Punjabi fellows.

Mentally Retarded Fellows Rizwan and the Mandira

Story of the “My Name is Khan” picture is about the two mentally retarded fellows: the mussalman male called the Rizwan, other is the Hindu female called the Mandira. Now, watching so many mussalman fellows continuously for the 2:30 hrs can be the very tiring experience for any true Shiv-Sainik like yourselfs. But fortunately, I am able to make it through ekdam safe and sound with only minor damage to the my internal organs, all by the blessing of the Ekvira Devi.

A lot of bad things are happening to the Rizwan and the Mandira in the picture. Now during the picture, the female fellows in audience are shedding the buckets and the buckets of the tears. The male fellows should not be getting the alarmed at this. However, one must be thanking the Karan Johar fellow for at least one thing. The female fellows are coming out of the movie with the extremely low expectations from the significant others. I am meaning, after spending 2:30 hrs watching the Kajol romance the mentally retarded fellow, it is setting the good example for them.

The Sharuk in Muslim Dress in MNIK (Loose Approximation).

Apart from this, the MNIK movie is showing the effect of the terror on the ordinary citizen like the Sharuk. More importantly, it is showing the great scene-scenery of the San Francisco, which is also being known as the gay capital of the world. It is also showing how the black people in the America are living in the town/city/village that is looking ekdam ditto like the Mumbra or the Bhiwandi or the Malegaon.

All in all, the MNIK picture is ekdam timepass. Shivsainik like the yourselfs will enjoy the scene in which the Sharuk is getting tortured in the prison. Of course, torture is not getting too graphic and hence is also suitable for the little Shivsainiks.

I am giving this picture 4.5 out of the 5 stars. It is the good clean family vieweing. Besides, for all the married fellows, you are not really having the choice.

Jai Maharashtra!!!

Hello, Hindusthan!

|| Shri ||

Ekvira devi prasanna…

I am coming on the twitter at the http://twitter.com/fakebalthakre.

The Manya Joshi is teching me all this internate.

Jai Hind, Jai Maharashtra!